I associate May with my losses. Although my beautiful Goddaughter passed away in July, I still remember the day she was born in May. So much life, love, and hope. Who could have known that life would be so cruel. May is also the month I found out I was pregnant with Emery and lost Emery. It's an ugly month for me. I would be fine with skipping right over it. In some ways I am glad the season is over, but in other ways...the further away I get from the season, the further I get away from Cilla and Emery.
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Two precious gems floating away from all of us on some cloud up in heaven...I hope they have found each other and have become friends like Amanda and I are. Amanda is my one friend who gets it and understands me in a way that no one else does and I just get her. I sometimes like to think that Cilla and Emery just "get" each other like we do and play and laugh and don't give a care in the world what others think. I picture the two of them giggling in heaven and rolling their eyes at us, their crazy mamas who love them with all of their hearts and will not forget them. I even bet Emery is small enough to fit right in Cilla's pocket.
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While May/Spring may be a hard month for me, October is one of my favorites. This year especially, I am taking in the beauty of it all, the sights, sounds, and smells. October brings me peace and happiness. I have been trying to take as many walks as possible to soak it all in. The tree in our yard is turning and I love it. I love the leaves on the lawn and jumping in them with our girls. October is also domestic violence awareness month and pregnancy and infant loss awareness month - two causes near and dear to my heart. So, lots of activities to keep us busy. It's also our 6th wedding anniversary. I sometimes look at pictures and think about the year before we got married and would love to sit down and tell these two young people what life had in store for them. Loss...but so much love. We have 2 little girls here with us who are perfect in every way (at least in our eyes...as is every child to their parents)! I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else. I know sometimes I may seem sad and even though I sometimes am....I love life and the journey and everything it has to offer - even when it does hurt. I'm getting there and surprisingly (to me) the capture your grief project has helped more than I could have ever imagined. I am actually processing the grief and moving forward.
XOXO
Question of the day: What's your favorite season and why?
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