Omg!

My brother and Katelyn are pregnant too!!! They told us last night when we told them we were pregnant! It all makes sense, I could tell my parents were so shocked and they were acting weird when we told them we were pregnant! Wasn't the reaction I was expecting, but then bubba and katelyn came over and were shocked by our news and Bubba says "we were going to do the same thing and give you a jar of prego"! It took me a second and then I was jumping up and down! I'm so excited! My parents were laughing and smiling and finally could say what they really wanted to say when we told them! "2 grand babies within a week of each other! Oh my gosh"!!! Yay!! I am so so happy for them! I can't wait. How fun to share this pregnancy with my brother and sister! I guess Katelyn and I both cutting out the wine this holiday season! Katelyn has been such a blessing to our family and she makes my brother happy and I am pretty sure he makes her happy too! So, I'm so happy for them. They will make great parents. It's sure weird to see my brother going through some of these major life events, but he couldn't have picked a better girl! We are so blessed and so lucky! 2015 is sure to be a great year! 

XOXO

6 weeks and showing! (11/29/14)

I've got a little bump! So soon this time. Not that I had a super flat tummy before getting preggers but I could at least hold it in! Not so much anymore! Eek! How exciting. 

Mini family vacation

Ben is hunting all weekend and didn't want to drive 2 hours each morning and night so we decided to get a hotel and have a little stay-cation and the girls and I tagged along! The girls and I plan to power lounge all day Saturday and Sunday morning. We have a nice suite to hang out in, the pool, and the resort is very empty so we basically have the run of it! I'm excited to just relax and have fun with the kiddos! The pool is fun, clara was super brave and was jumping in by herself! She was also swimming in the deep end! Super excited for her to take swimming lessons. 

I just put the girls to bed and just laid there and watched them fall asleep and just thanked my lucky stars for the blessing of 2 little girls. I just love them so much! They are so sweet and adorable. Feeling very blessed and lucky tonight. 

XOXO

Deleted (11/25/14)

Well, I decided the other day to delete all the miscarriage groups I belonged to on facebook. I had opened up my facebook page and right there in my newsfeed I saw a post about a miscarriage at 10 weeks and I couldn't handle it! I need positive thoughts right now and I can't let my mind go there. I even made the painful decision to not attend the babies gone too soon group tonight. I love that group and fully plan to attend in the future, but I just couldn't bring myself to go and have loss on my mind right now! I just can't do it (and it doesn't help that the kiddos are under the weather and the roads are icky so my gut is just telling me to stay home). I already hate that I think about it everyday! I'm sure it's only natural, but I'll feel a lot better after my 8 week ultrasound on December 17th! 

Only 3 more weeks and I can see my little baby! I pray everyday that everything is okay and we will see a heartbeat. We plan to announce the pregnancy to everyone on New Year's Eve, Emery's due date. A little bitter, but very very sweet! I will be 10 weeks along and provided everything is going well, I will feel comfortable sharing at that time. Can't believe I am already 5 weeks pregnant! It's already going fast and I'm sure these next 3 weeks will fly by and then 2 more after that to New Year's Eve!  

Can't wait to tell my mom and dad tomorrow! This week has dragged on and I have wanted to tell my mom so bad so many times, but I didn't! I'm proud of myself! Can't wait to see their reactions when they open the present. I'm sure they will be shocked but not too surprised since we have toyed around with the idea, maybe surprised it actually happened! A new baby, something to be thankful for this holiday season. I'm feeling so happy and blessed. 

As far as pregnancy symptoms go I am feeling nauseous and it usually hits from 12pm to about 8pm. I will think I am fine and bam it hits me. I'm also still always tired. I'm hoping the kids sleep in a little tomorrow so I can as well. Again, I am thankful for symptoms because I do believe it means everything is doing what it should be to help the baby grow. 

XOXO  

Pregnant!! (11/20/14)

Oh my gosh! I'm pregnant! I can't believe it! I spent the last few days thinking I had to be because I'm already experiencing every symptom in the book, but it was confirmed by the very positive pregnancy test today! I'm so excited. I thought I would be scared, but I'm actually doing pretty good, I'm just channeling calm, positive, and happy feelings! My initial guess is this is a little boy! We will know in a few months. I always said with Bailey "I think it's a boy" for Ben's sake, but deep down my gut always said girl, but his time I really feel like it's a boy! I guess I have a 50% chance of being right! I would love a little boy, but another little girl would be just as wonderful. We will see what we are blessed with. 

Of course I am already puking. It happened so early this time around! I'm just 4 weeks. Usually I can get to 6 weeks without getting sick.  I'm exhausted and I can smell everything which makes me more sick. Grocery shopping was torture last night and that was my biggest clue that I was for sure pregnant. 

I have a super cute idea about how we will tell our parents at Thanksgiving. Not sure if we will tell extended family at Thanksgiving or at Christmas. I'm thinking Christmas after my 8 week appointment. We will also tell close friends at this time as well and the rest of the world will have to wait until a little bit later. I have to do what I feel most comfortable doing and I want to be selfish and just enjoy this with Ben. I'm really excited to tell family in person. With clara and Bailey it was over the phone because I knew I wouldn't see them for awhile. I can't wait to see their reactions. I'll have to avoid talking to me mom on the phone this week because it's so hard for me to keep this from her, but I don't want to rob myself of the joy of telling her and my dad together. We will of course tell our siblings at Thanksgiving as well. 

And I can most definitely say that with this tiny blessing we are done! No more than 3 so I really want to just love every moment and enjoy this because it will be the very last time. I think Ben is ready to make some permanent decisions as soon as baby is born and might even do so before the baby is born! Wow... Another baby! I just can't believe it. 

Thank you so much for this blessing God. Please help me to remain calm and I just pray that everything is okay. I trust in your Lord to know what is best and how things will/should work out. 

I'll share this blog in a few months, keeping it private for now! 

XOXO 

Pregnant? 11/17/14

So, I'm going to write some blogs, but I'm not going to publish them yet. I need to hold off until I feel ready to share these. Ben and I are trying for another baby! After months of toying with the idea we decided yes! I'm so excited, but a little nervous. I've been feeling slightly sick the last few days and keep eating to make the feeling go away! Ugh, we will avoid the scale for awhile. Today I experienced some very mild cramping and small drops of blood which was scary, but the doctor assured me it's not possible for it to be a miscarriage, I would either be getting my period early or experiencing implantation since the timing is just right. I'm trying not to stress out about it or get too excited. Basically, I'm trying not to think about it when all I can do is think about it! We will see, I should know soon enough if I'm pregnant or if it's back to the drawing board. :-) which can be fun! Ha... TMI I know. I just need to breathe and take one day at a time. If I am pregnant I am hoping to get through Thanksgiving without telling anyone and get to Christmas and tell our families and friends at that point. I would be about 9 weeks and would feel okay telling family then and waiting a little longer to announce it to everyone else. I feel like a fool waiting because I'm such an advocate for sharing early, but I'm terrified of another miscarriage and would rather keep it private. I know I can't think like that, but I can't help it. Only positive thoughts from here on out. 

Here's to possitivity and the possibility of life in the near future! 

XOXO

 

A few tidbits and Clara's birthday

It's been awhile since I've written because I've been busy living! In the past 2 weeks I have felt a change, I feel so full of life and happy. It's like I found myself again and it's such a relief. I think a lot of it had to do with my dads great news. This last year or so of my life and has been full of death and for the first time in long time I see the sun again (unfortunately not literally!) 

Finally, it's my baby's 5th birthday!! I can't believe it! I still remember everything about the day she was born 5 years ago! What a wonderful adventure it has been with her! I look forward to many more years with her! Last night I was holding her and joking and said "ah it's my baby" and B looked at me in a very concerned way and said "no mama eecka is not your baby, I'm your baby"! And proceeded to pull clara off my lap and she crawled into it! Little stinker! I can't wait for Clara's birthday party tomorrow. I'm glad my mom is able to sneak down here for the day and weekend! :-) should be a wonderful party and day for clara with her friends! 

Flowers from her daddy! I think the relationship Ben has formed with his girls is so sweet and so special. Clara was so excited to get flowers from her daddy that were just for her! 

Happy birthday my sweet girl! I love you so much! 

XOXO 

Bear hugs

Don't you just love these "never letting go of you bear hugs"! I sure do. Whenever I am feeling down, or just walking through the door, or getting ready to leave Bailey bug sure knows how to show me how much she loves me! She just squeezes me so tight! I love it and her! 

A rainbow in the storm

I'm finally seeing my rainbow in the storm I've been in lately! Hearing about dads great news was amazing! It was my rainbow! I needed to see the light. I told Ben that while of course no one handles bad news well, I still sometimes feel a little fragile and would have been devastated by bad news. Not that something bad can't ever happen, but for today we can celebrate and be happy. I'm just feeling so relieved and looking forward to a good nights sleep tonight. 

Finally, I'm very excited because the charms for my locket arrived today! 

I'm just waiting on my new locket and 2 more charms! But this locket will do for now! I'm always feeling torn about the different causes near and dear to my heart and now I can represent them all!!

Cross: represents my faith

Purple ribbon: domestic violence awareness 

Yellow ribbon: sarcoma awareness 

Blue/pink ribbon: pregnancy and infant loss awareness (for Cilla and Emery) 

Number 3: Clara, Bailey, and Emery. 

Waiting on... 

Letter B: represents Ben, my heart and soul

Elephant; represents me and brings me wisdom and good luck! 

So excited to get my new locket and the other charms and wear it often so I can keep all the things near and dear to me close to my heart always. 

XOXO

"Calm down mama"

"Calm down mama, I be careful" - the infamous words spoken to me by a little 2 year old last night as she took a bench from her sisters room and put it ON her bed ready to jump from it. Which illicitated a big fat no from me! As my parents call her, she was in full Lindsay Vonn mode last night! I'm focusing on the calm down mama part! I know I need to calm down about some things (no, I'm never going to let her jump from the bench from the bed...), but I know I am so tense at times. The house is never clean enough, there is always laundry, I'm never going to get that work out in 7 days a week, I'm not always going to have dinner on the table by 5pm (and if I do it's probably corn dogs and Cheetos). I guess I'm saying I need to relax more. It's so hard for me. It's going along with how I've been feeling though, I need to find time to enjoy life a little more! Don't get me wrong, I have lots of fun, but I am always worried about things not getting done and feeling pressure and like a failure! My husband always says "you can't just sit down and relax" and he's right (don't tell him!). I'm going to try to relax more and NOT worry about the dishes or the clothes or letting a work out slip. I would be sad if someday all they had to say at my funeral was "she always had a clean house". I want folks to say "man she lived life to the fullest". I owe it to me, my kids, and my husband to "calm down"! 

Change of subject... Tomorrow is mayo clinic day! Scans for my dad. I'm feeling anxious about it. It's the first time we are going to see how things are since the scare a few weeks ago. Although, anxious I'm feeling good, because my dad is feeling so good. I'm hoping that's an excellent sign! Doesn't matter what we hear tomorrow, the plan is to fight, fight, fight! I just wish this wasn't part of our lives...but it is and we will continue to pray and be positive! Dad turns 57 on the 5th and honestly the doctors didn't think that would happen so I'm glad to prove them all wrong! They thought a few months and here we are on the 8th month and looking at many many more! Screw you cancer! (Not very positive I know, but I can tell cancer to screw itself and still be optimistic about the outcome)! ;-) 

XOXO

As I am writing this another Lindsay Vonn moment... (Flung herself over the chair and was stuck)!